doorway to flames

Here I am- at the doorway of flames. Today- it's May 2nd. He's leaving 31 days from now. Wow- just one more month for me. That's all, god? That's all I get? These two long years, I've loved him more than I've loved myself, and you're going to take him away from me so soon? This is unfair. This is against every fundamental right of any lover. Here I am- at the doorway of flames.

Today was another boring day. Nothing special happening- except that Pooh stopped talking to me all of a sudden! Yeah- he just ran away. We were talking about how much he was hurting me and stuff- and poof! Gone. Gone with the wind. I'm still waiting for him, lol- 'tis been almost an hour since he stopped IMing. Yeah! I think I'll stay up all night for him. I've this idea stuck in my head- about that "lovey-dovey" conversation we had, a few days ago. That might be converted into any poem, any day! Who knows? Pooh told me he wasn't sure about the June 2nd thing- and that he might leave a few days later. I hope you keep elongating that date to a not yet, god. Please. For I love him so much. I am an atheist, as y'know- but for him, for him, I'm calling god. Wow. Nice. Yeah- so today morning that annoying neighbour-kid came here again. Again. How long will he keep coming? I dunno. Maybe till this house burns out fully.

It's 10.45 right now. And I'm fucking fucked up. I need to stop writing such cliched blogs. They're so stupid. Annu said he'd come online after 12- but I told him I was going to sleep early, today. I don't think so. I think I'm going to sit and finish that piece. Geo keeps asking me to post something. So I'm not going to sleep until I get that "How come you chose me?" piece written and posted. That's the only line I have now. Tonight's going to be a long night. Please co-operate mom!

(Random Confession 1 ~

I stole this "burning house" title from some group on AP. Whoever's it is, please don't burn me alive, now, okay? Whew. Good.)

I saw AV online today, but I didn't talk to him. I shouldn't talk to him if he doesn't want me to. I mean, I'm not messaging him if he doesn't. Uff. If he doesn't, first. Lol, me and my damn ego. Pooh told me today that I behave like an "eight-year-old". Like WHAT?! But the sad part is that I do, lol. I called him "goldfish". Come on. Goldfish. Even a 6-year old is less cliche-er. I must suck.

Sometimes, I feel like this life is so beautiful. Sometimes, I feel like its hell. This shows that I'm ambivalent. I'm, today. That's why I'm laughing so beautifully, and crying like hell in between short intervals. Wow. I'm so weird. But I love being so. Of course. :D

So- the point. 31; 31 days it is. I have just 31 more days with the guy I love. I don't know why he is leaving, or why he doesn't care about how/what I feel- but one thing I know for sure, these 31 days, for me, are going to be the toughest of all times.